Substrata
Saturday
Tom Cat,
Shall we tell them, or spring it on them?
Ray
Tom,
Did I talk to myself? Does this dentist taste terrible or what? Was he sniffing too much nitros oxide?
love,
James
Nikko,
He meant sleeping when he's supposed to be working, honey.
love,
Daddy
Ray,
I like that idea.
Tom
James,
Why does this dentist taste like novacaine and laughing gas?
love,
James
'*James suddenly looks nervous at Tom's tone of voice. He swallows, thinking the dentist tastes terrible and wondering if it's just a case of nerves at the thought of Tom and insulated wire.*
Cat Man,
Maybe we can have a hog-tying contest: Me with Fraser and his lanyard, you with Dead Man and those phone cables.
Ray
Daddy,
But Wyrm yelled at Joe the last time he though Joe was sleeping at the station, remember? So Joe told him that he wasn't sleeping, he was just making up playlists in his head with his eyes closed so he could hear the songs.
love,
Nikko
Nikko,
Well, I think Joe's supposed to sleep there.
love,
Daddy
James,
I've got some ideas.
love,
Tom
Daddy,
I won't. I won't tell him about Joe sleeping at the station, either.
Nikko
Tom,
So, what're you going to do with those phone cables?
love,
James
Friday
Nikko,
Better not tell Wyrm.
love,
Daddy
Daddy,
Don't worry. Miss Manners has advised me on the proper way to take my leave. They obey Miss Manners above any other authority.
Nikko
Detective Jones,
I'm dreadfully sorry, but I'm afraid I have another commitment for this afternoon. And I would have *so* liked to linger.
Do give my best to your lovely wife.
Ms. Nikko Calhoun
Nikko, my love,
Hey, darling! Would ya mind guarding the trailor parked out front while Billy and I get our cell cleared out?
love ya,
Joe
Ray,
*snickers*
Tom
Nikko,
Oh my God, run.
love,
Daddy
Tom,
You bet. Great place to summer. Fraser's planning a boat trip right now, so shush.
Ray
Ms. Calhoun,
You're leaving? So soon?
Are you sure there isn't time for just one more cup of tea? We have a pot brewing right now. And Officer Henry just nipped out to the cutest little bakery down the street for some fresh cakes and cookies.
Detective Jones
Ray,
De Nile? Isn't that a river in egypt?
Tom
Higher,
Are you on something?
Beta
James,
Is it just me, or does this dentist taste like novacaine?
love,
Tom
Rupert,
Harlan?
Cecil
James,
I got the phone cables. *snicker*
love,
Tom
Dead Man,
Hey, don't screw with my mountie's denile there. He's not real good at maintaining.
Ray
Major,
Great.
Hey, there's still time....I'll get 'em on the way out.
Joe
Q-Tip,
Hey! Ya wanna take a load out to the trailer for me? I just gotta go grab something.
Joe
Major Calhoun,
I believe I hate you. I didn't think I did, but now I do.
Lt. "Q-Tip" Quincy
Fraser,
Uh, riiiight. Smarmy dentist is in the book. Riiiiiight. Yeah.
Sure.
Calhoun
Mulgrew,
Keep it all. Have the cops help you carry it.
Good call, stealing the remotes. You should have gotten the phone cables while you were at it.
Oh, well, next time.
J.K. Calhoun
Calhoun,
Not anymore. Tom didn't eat the dentist, he sent him away with his book (which I'm pretending very hard isn't in Chicago).
Fraser
Major,
Good. We have the entire jail's stock of socks, toilet paper, fabric softener, deserts, and magazines with publication dates after 1983. We also are in posession of every remote control except for one with dead batteries, which we left on top of the tv in the rec room, but only after we realised that it took AAA batteries. And there isn't an AAA battery in this joint. Not our doing, actually.
Can we bring all this crap with us when we get out? I know Billiam's gotten emotionally attached to about 97 different pairs of socks, at least, and it would break his wolfy little heart to leave 'em behind.
Joe
Rupert,
Rupert! Hi!
Harlan
Benton,
Even though my book is in Chicago.
Tom
Lt. Q,
ujm....ok
Tom
Rupert,
Harlan says hi.
Tom
Fraser,
Are you yelling at ME?
Calhoun
Mulgrew,
How's the collection coming along?
Calhoun
Tom,
Chow down.
love,
James
Rupert,
Harlan?
Cecil
Tom,
Thank you.
Fraser
Higher,
Really? He's here, in Wyrmville? I haven't seen him in...in over....since....gradutation! Wow!
Lt. Quincy
(PS: Could you tell him Harlan says hi?)
Fraser,
I used my book to send him away.
Tom
Lt, Quincy,
Ok. It was.
Tom
Happy 1 year and 3 day Anniversary of Substrata's inception!
Tom,
...
Maybe if you just told me that you used your book to send him away?
Ben
Higher,
Are you sure? It sounded like him...
Lt. Quincy
James,
Yes! Dessert. Good. Yum.
I will. You can share.
love,
Tom
Benton,
Oh, lighten up. You'd think I'd never eaten anyone before.
Tom
Lt. Quincy,
Um....no?
tom
James,
JAMES!!!!!
Fraser
Tom,
Oh. Okay. So I just got dessert.
He made a pass at her. If you don't eat him, I will.
love,
James
Tom,
How could you and Ray possibly believe that *lying* to me make me *feel better* about the fact you're preparing to *eat* someone....I can't....I....*splutter*....
Fraser
Higher,
Was that....Rupert?
Lt. Quincy
*Dr. Spencer continues to refuse to gain consciousness, as though guessing it'll only go badly for him when he does.*
*Joe continues to happily commit acts of thievery now that he has expanded storage room*
*Billy continues to happily chew on socks*
*Nikko smiles and sips her tea*
James,
No. I'm saying I want to eat him first.
He called her something nasty. Can I eat him? Please?
love,
Tom
*James returns with several boxes to see Tom and the simpering dentist.*
My Own,
You're going to spoil your dinner. I got you two snakes, three rats, this neat black lizard with yellow racing stripes, and a turtle. You're telling me the dentist sounds tastier than vermin?
I love you,
James
You Who Are About To Die,
What did you call my daughter, asshole?
Endari Sabbat Elder James K. Calhoun
Substrata birthday You have to copy-paste it into a new window, or it will not load.
Fraser,
WHAT?
Tom
Lt. Q,
Pardon?
Higher G
Tom,
TOM!
Benton
Higher,
*confused blink*
Was that...?
Lt. H. Quincy
Ray,
Oh. All right. I can do that.
Tom
Lt. Quincy,
*barely represses a giggle*
No. No, I'm sorry. I don't.
Higher Grissom
Higher,
Higher!!!
Beta
Tom Cat,
...
What if you just told Ben that's what you did?
Ray
Ray,
Ray!
Ben
Higher Grissom,
Not to my knowledge. But my best friend in high school was. Hienic. Name of Rupert. Do you perchance know him?
Lt. Quincy
Ray Vamp,
No. I have to. I promised.
Tom
Lt. Quincy,
Your welcome.
Are you sure you're not Primal?
Tom
Tom Cat,
....uh....
Could you not do that? Eat the dentist I mean? Sure he's an asshole, but...well, it makes Ben uncomfortable, 'cause it's not legal and all. What if you just did something with your book and sent him somewhere else that's not here? Then the charges would be dropped 'cause he's not around to keep pressing 'em, and you haven't eaten him, and Ben's happy.
Ray
Higher Grissom,
*sigh* Thank you.
Lt. Quincy
Dt. Jones,
Yes, please. Milk and sugar both, please.
Ms. Nikko Calhoun
Joe,
Sure!!!
Tom
Doctor,
Ooh. That does it.
Higher Grissom
Ray,
Indeed.
Ben
Lt. Quncy,
I will!
Higher Grissom
James,
Want to share?
love,
Tom
Kinky,
Hey, thanks!
*begins busily stuffing the dimentional pocket with the crates of stolen goods, which now include toilet paper, fabric softener from the laundry room, and all of what was supposed to be the week's worth of deserts from the cafeteria. The socks he leaves out, as Billy is enjoying chewing on them.*
Joe
Higher Gristhom,
*groan*
*blink*
*faint*
Dr. Sthpensther
Ben,
Well, there ya go.
Ray
Ms. Calhoun,
More tea?
Detective Jones
Higher Grissom,
*groan* They're having more tea in the break room.
If I promise to confound any investigation into the matter, would you just eat the damn dentist and have done with it?
Lt. Quincy
Joe,
*Tom smirks, does the spell he put on his closet to the cell, and it is magickally endowed with a pocket into an empty dimension.*
Tom
Doctor,
Hey!!! Wake up when I'm threatening you!
Higher Grissom
Ray,
I'm not sure....
Ben
Kinky,
*snicker*
Hey, wanna role of institution cheap toilet paper? These cells are really small, and we're running out of room in here. We could probably spare nine or ten, if ya really wanted 'em.
Joe
*Tom's threatening speech is wasted. Dr. Spencer fainted with the first rumblings of a growl which emerged from the Higher's throat. He's flat on his back, mouth gaping open to reveal the missing tooth, along with the rest of his too white dentist's teeth.*
Ben,
How would you suggest I do that?
Ray
Joe,
Damn straight.
Tom
*Bad move on the doc's part. Tom's eyes narrow, and he growls. Loudly. Very loudly.*
Doctor,
Who goes to a dentist who has not teeth at all? Who goes to a doctor whose heart has been eaten out?
Tom
Ray,
Um....stop him?
Benton
Kinky,
I have to be, to keep up with you.
Joe
Higher Gristhom,
*gulp*
*ponder*
*stupid pride tightening his spine*
No. I won't sthtand by and let you usthe your posthistion asth Primal Higher to forcthe me to do your bidding. I'm making a sthtand, here and now. I won't appologisthe, I won't drop the chargesth. I have nothing to appologisthe for. All I did wasth flirt with a sthexthy lady who came into my officthe, trying to pawn sthome sthtory about her being four yearsth old. And for that I wasth jumped.
I lostht a tooth! Who goesth to a dentistht who hasth bad teeth?
Dr. Sthpensther
Ben,
Oh.
Well.
Uh...what am I supposed to do about it?
Ray
Billy,
Nah. Kinky wouldn't get caught.
You've got wool between your teeth there, Billy-boy.
Joe
Joe,
You're devious. I like it.
Tom
Dr. Shtupid
Drop the charges. I'll eat you. I've done it before.
Tom
Ray,
Oh....dear.
Benton
Joe,
I think we might have a roomate soon....
Billy
Kinky,
Yeah, I like it. And I'd love for ya to get us some. But if ya can't, don't worry, 'cause I'm just on my way out to steal all the other inmate's tp. And Q-Tip thought they were pissed when Billy 'n' me started our sock collection.
Joe
Higher Gristhom,
eeeeek!
Dr. Sthpensther
Ben,
Yeah?
Ray
Joe,
Ok. So you'd like expensive toilet paper.
Got it.
James?
Tom
Dental Fuck,
Ok. Now you get it for calling me Gristhom.
Idiot.
Higher Grissom
Ray,
Um.....
Fraser
Kinky,
Cheap. This is a government run institution, y'know.
Joe
Higher Gristhom,
What...? What are you doing? If you come one sthtep closther, I'll sthue you for intimidation! Threatsth! Don't touch me! Asthault! Asthault!
Dr. Sthpensther.
Joe,
One ply or two? Scented or non? Cotton or Linen?
Tom
Dr. Shtupeth,
Ok. That's it. I warned you.
Higher Grissom
Billiam,
*Billy looks up from where he's been contentedly chewing on a folded pair of socks*
Your werewolf is showing.
Joe
Kinky,
Thanks. I'm thinking...toilet paper next.
Joe
Higher Gristhom,
*sniff* I refusth to bow down to your thretsth. Thosth hooligansth broke my front tooth.
Dr. Sthpensther
*And when Joe gets back to his cell, Tom slips the disturber back through the bars of the cell, running back to James very, very quickly*
Dear Dr. Dental Hyjinx,
Fucking drop the charges.
Or I'll eat you.
Higher Grissom
/LOCATION: Interview room in Wyrm's Detention Centre for Shit Disturbers. Joe Dick is escourted into the room. Lt. Quincy is already there, waiting for the dead DJ. Skipping small talk entirely, Lt. Quincy begins to search Joe's person for a psionic disturber./
JOE: Hey! That fuckin' tickles! Is this being video recorded?
LT: No. Audio.
JOE:*snicker* That's no psionic disturber, officer. That's my dick.
LT: Cut it out, Mulgrew.
JOE: Dick.
LT: I said cut it out.
JOE: No, that's my name. Joe Dick. And, please, officer, take your hand off of my bottom.
LT: My hand is no such place. And your name is Joseph Mulgrew.
JOE: Dick. Joe Dick. And, officer, I believe that is what is called a bad touch. Please stop it. No means no.
LT: Fuck off, Mulgrew.
/Having failed to find a disturber, Lt. Quincy motions to have Joe taken back to his cell. Joe goes along quietly (for him), because he is eager to get back to the marvelous play room of socks that is his and Billy's cell. On his way back to his office, the leutenant stuck his head into the break room to find yet another tea party in progress. Wanting to cry, Quincy withdrew to his office and shut the door behind him./
James,
oops.
love,
Tom
Ray,
Do you normally put people who defend other people's perfectly innocent and virginal daughters from sex depraved perverts in jail?
Tom
Benton,
Well. All right then.
I have not.
Tom
Lieutenant Guy Wyrm Hired,
Well. All right then.
Tom
Tom Cat,
Hey! What's up with the hostility?
The man's just trying to do his job.
Ray
Tom,
They have not. My pants are flame retardant anyway. I'm not lying.
You know, your behaviour of late has been somewhat erratic. More so than usual. Perhaps pregnancy hormones are affecting your mood?
Benton
Higher Grissom,
I appologise for anything I might have done or said to offend you. Not my intention.
I was told, upon being hired by Wyrm to head up the detention centre, that the entire block of cells in which Mr. Mulgrew is detained could be used for the specific purpose of detaining deceased offenders. I have yet to have reason to doubt the veracity of that claim.
I did not search Mr. Mulgrew's clothing, though I will now. Thank you for the suggestion.
Lt. Quincy
Mr. Idiot Moron Fucking Dumb Ass Who Never Lived In Baltimore Ever Ever Ever So Doesn't Realise That Only Slayers And Seekers Can Actually Contain A Ghost, Not Third Rate Policemen in Fake Towns,
Really? Did you check his intangible clothes for psionic disturbers? Check with The Wyrm to make sure he didn't set them on a different wave level because Joe is /his/ DJ?
Did you?
Higher Grissom
Benton,
Liar, liar, liar liar. Have your pants exploded into a big ball of flames yet?
Tom
Mr. Grissom,
*offended ahem*
I'll have you know that Wyrm's Detention Centre for Shit Disturbers contains jail cells upon which spells have been cast to hold ghosts in. It is in just such a cell that I have placed Mr. Mulgrew and Mr. Boisy. We have no shortage of dead shit disturbers around here, no more than we do live ones.
Lt. Quincy
Tom,
I am not. I find your continued contention that I am rather unsettling.
Benton
Lt. Idiot Stupid Fucking Moron,
So you've lived in Wyrmville /how/ long?
He's a /GHOST/. How the fuck do you think he moved from cell to cell.
*Tom mutters to himself about morons who never had to work demon squad*
Tom Grissom
Benton,
Liar.
Tom
Tom,
Only in the pursuit of justice, and never to the detriment of my friends. At least when I am in control of my own mind.
Benton
Major Calhoun,
Would it help if I said pretty please?
The two men "decorating my jail" are right now doing their decorating with socks stolen from the other inmates. I don't claim to understand how the men in question managed to steal socks out of the other jail cells from within their own locked cell (the matter is being looked into as I write). All I know is that I have a jail full of pissed off, bare footed nasties of every possible species and supernatural persuasion on the verge of rioting, and a ghost and a lycanthrope with a jail cell full of sock garlands which they refuse to admit belong to anyone but themselves (therefore making the matter of the extraction of the socks from their belonging a complicated one).
Your daughter has not moved from the break room, except to go to the visitor's room during the scheduled visiting hours and visit Joseph Mulgrew and William Boisy. When visiting hours are over, she goes back to the break room. While she is in the break room, my officers are in the break room. They have all developed an obsession with proper British tea services, as described by one Miss Manners. Your daughter has encouraged this by praising those who follow Miss Manners' guidelines the best. I did not know it was physically possible for any living being to consume as much tea as each of my officers have to date. And I believe there is another pot brewing at this very moment.
If by "the pervert" you mean the dentist with the broken tooth, I regret to inform you that he is completely immovable in his intentions to press charges. And I've tried. I didn't even get around to mentioning the appology you demanded, so busy was I being laughed out of my own office by that officious, toothy bastard.
Again, all I can do is abandon my pride and beg like a little girl. And I do hereby do so.
Lt. H. Quincy
James,
No. *long pause* They have snakes?
love,
Tom
Benton,
I've heard you lie before.
Tom
(Karra's note: I believe you! But TOm doesn't)
Thursday
Lt. Quincy,
We will not bail out the men decorating your jail, nor will we insist that my daughter Nikko leave police headquarters. Your men will continue to get nothing done until such time as you make sure all charges against the aforementioned offenders are dropped and an apology from the pervert pressing charges is issued and accepted by the arrested parties.
Major James K. Calhoun
My love,
As many rats as you like. Want any gerbils or hampsters? I think I saw guinea pigs, too.
Love,
James
Tom,
It's not a lie. I don't lie.
Benton
(Tara's note: It really isn't a lie! I'm not saying it *worked* or anything, just that people *believed* it did. Of course, they also believed the best thing to do with someone suffering from blood loss was to bleed 'em, so you make your own judgements.)
Benton,
*eyes narrowed with suspicion*
You lie so bad.
Tom
Tom,
One ancient remedy for a tooth ache was to eat mice. It was a widely spread practice.
Benton
James,
ooh. Ooh! And some rats?
love,
Tom
Wednesday
To Whom It May Concern,
We are given to understand that matters concerning Joseph Mulgrew (aka JoeD, aka Joe Dick, aka Mohawk Boy), deceased, and William Boisy (aka Billy Tallent, aka Billiam, aka Mr. Billy Fucking Hollywood, aka Skinny, Hairy Assed Werewolf), lycanthrope, are to be directed to you. We believe it may interest you to know that the two men in question are currently being held in Wyrm's Detention Centre for Shit Disturbers (aka the Wyrmville Police Station) on the charge of attacking a dentist.
The dentist is pressing charges. Apparently they broke one of his teeth.
The young lady who accompanied them, one Nikko Florence Calhoun, is currently being served tea and cookies in the break room. She may leave at any time, but refused to do so while the two men remain here. It is she that suggested we get in contact with you.
Please come and get her. The officers aren't getting any work done. They're too busy fighting over who gets to pour the tea and pass the cookies to the young lady.
Signed,
Lt. Harlan W. Quincy
Wyrmville
My love,
Two mice, a lizard, and a turtle. Coming right up.
I'll check and see if they have any finches, too.
I love you,
James
Ray,
A turtle, not Petunia.
Dead Man
James,
And a turtle.
love,
Tom
Tom Cat,
/HEY/.!
Ray
Ray,
No. No hay.
Tom
Tom,
I don't believe mice cause cavities.
Two mice. Want a lizard, too?
love,
James
James,
I. Have. Cavities.
But yeah. Ok. Two mice?
love,
Tom
Tuesday
Ben,
He's with Dead Man. He's always forgetful when he has someone ask him to marry him.
love,
Ray
Tom,
Can I buy you a mouse or two?
love,
James
Cecil,
You never buy me mice.
love,
Rupert
Rupert,
You hate mice, remember?
love,
Cecil
Major,
*still rubbing his knuckles in a very satisfied sort of way*
My pleasure, sir.
Joe
Major,
*still rubbing his knuckles in a very satisfied sort of way*
What he said, sir.
Billy
*As Joe, Billy, and Nikko (with teeth that are ever whiter and completely cavity free) walk back through the waiting room on their way out, the dentist stirs and moans. As they pass his prone body, Billy and Joe each casually bend and smack him again, on either side of his head. The dentist again passes out.*
James,
Yes. but....but...
love,
Tom
Ray,
Hes awfully forgetful.
love,
benton
Tom,
Before you started pouting.
Those are military words, my love.
love,
James
Hey, Benton,
Yer cute when you're worried. Whassup?
love ya,
Ray
James,
Hey. Those are my words. *pout*
Before /WHAT/?
love,
Tom
*Fraser is starting to look a little worried*
Mulgre, Tallent,
Bravo Zulu.
Major J.K. Calhoun
Tom,
Before.
love,
James
The dentist stalks into the waiting room, white coat tales flapping, fully expecting to find some sort of weak, pale phantom sniping at a puppy while a young, fluttery girl tries fruitlessly to push them apart. He has his 'regret to inform you your insurance is no good' face on. He knows he has it on. He's practiced it in the mirror.
However, upon entering the waiting room, he stops dead. Joe and Billy look up from where they've been rolling around on the floor in a no holds barred fist fight. Nikko sits in a not-quite-comfortable waiting chair and watches them with an amused little smile on her face. Seeing the dentist, and registering the look on his face, Joe and Billy seperate, climb up from the floor, and stand, glaring, on either side of Nikko.
You see, the dentist's 'regret to inform you your insurance is no good' face has slipped off, and his 'having lascivious thoughts as I fall head over heels in lust' face is firmly in place. Of course, the lascivious thoughts are a little dampened as he notices the men on either side of the object of his lust. The ghost, most definately not pale and weak, is large and black clad and stands glaring blue murder out from beneath a wide mohawk of spiky dark hair. The werewolf, more slender than the ghost, is no less mean looking, though in an angular, blond way. He also glares murderously at the dentist.
But the woman between... Long legs revealed by a purple leather, snake skin patterned skirt. A lime green tank top covered in small, orange frogs clings to her gently rounded figure. Black hair gently curls around her bare shoulders. The only blue eyes in the room not occupied by glaring at the dentist are surrounded by thick, dark eyelashes.
Doing his best to pin his 'regret to inform you your insurance is no good' face on over his 'thinking lascivious thoughts' face (he's not entirely successful - the lascivious thoughts face shows through around the eyes), he smiles gently and says, "I'm so sorry, Ms. Calhoun, but I'm afraid your father's insurance doesn't cover you beyond the age of eighteen." He hopes that this won't count against him in his pursuit of her. He's just doing his job. When they're sleeping together, he'll do all her dental work free of charge. It'll be his birthday present to her.
His 'lascivious thoughts' face shows through a bit more, causing Joe and Billy both to want to reach out and punch him in the clearly artificially sculpted nose.
Nikko smiles, amused. "I'm still covered. I'm only four years old."
The dentist blinks. "What?"
Joe, having decided that the dentist is clearly too wrapped up in himself to truely understand the destructive potential of a Joe Dick glare (especially when augmented by a Billy Tallent glare), steps in. "What, are ya deaf?" he demands, harshly. "She said she's four years old. So the Major's insurance covers her."
The dentist transfers his attention to the agressive dead man with some reluctance. "You can't really expect me to believe that this beautiful (and here he smiles flatteringly in Nikko's direction) young woman is in actuality an infant!"
Nikko's eyes cool a great deal as she arches one lovely eyebrow in response to the dentist's comment. She begins to understand why both Joe and Billy are bristling so.
Billy snarls.
Joe takes another step forward, moving into the dentist's personal space. The dentist fights not to take a step back, feeling as though to do so would somehow place him below on the dominance scale in comparison to the dead man. His mind fools him into believing that he can feel Joe's breath hot against his cheek, although he knows rationally that ghosts don't breath. Joe's glare gets bumped up a notch, until the dentist is pinned to the spot by those pale blue eyes. He couldn't move even if he weren't concerned by being percieved as somehow less in the grand scale of things in Nikko's eyes. When Joe speaks, his voice is soft and deadly.
"Are you trying to tell me that you think that Nikko and I are liars? Well, I may be, but not Nikko. My betrothed doesn't lie."
Billy debates whether or not he should snicker at the old fashioned word which has somehow snuck into Joe's vocabularily, but decides to stick with the glaring and growling thing. He growls just a bit louder and makes sure to show a little teeth. Nice, white, sharp looking teeth. The kind of teeth only a dentist could appreciate.
Suddenly the dentist is afraid, and that fear overrides even his great lust for Nikko. Almost. The dentist is afraid of the large, black clad ghost standing way too close to him. He his afraid of the snarling werewolf standing behind the ghost. And, catching a glimpse of Nikko's rapidly darkening expression, he's even little afraid of her, although in an arousing sort of way.
The dentist doesn't even know what hits him before he's flat on his back, unconscious, on the grey rug of his own waiting room. Joe and Billy are each rubbing their knuckles in a satisfied sort of way as they watch two matching bruises begin to darken on either side of the dentist's face.
The dental hygenist comes bustling out from behind the counter, from where she'd been watching the entire time. She stares down at her boss for a moment, then nudges him with the toe of her shoe. "Dr. Spencer?"
There is no answer. Joe and Billy continue to look extremely satisfied.
Staring down at the unconscious dentist for a moment more, the dental hygenist seems to come to a decision. "Ah, fuck him," she says, and the words sound odd coming from her sweetly shaped pink mouth. "He is a complete asshole. Hits on everything female that comes through, and me when business is slow. God's fucking gift to women in his own mind. I've been waiting for ages for someone to punch him, and I'm just glad it didn't happen tomorrow, which is my day off."
Smiling brilliantly at all three people standing before her, the dental hygenist gestures for them to follow her and she turns to walk back into the dentist's offices. "Come on. I'll check you for cavities and give you your cleaning and flouride treatement. If we find anything that needs to be fixed, there's another dentist who works in the morning, and we can make an appointment for you then."
In a final act which endears her to Joe and Billy, the dental hygenist doesn't say a word about the fact that they immediately follow along in her and Nikko's wake, squeezing into the small room containing a great big dentist's chair.
Joe,
Sic 'em.
Ray
Major,
Yes, sir. Hell, I enjoy giving people shit. Especially if they try to pull anything with Nikko.
Mulgrew
*Joe puts the 7+ minute version of "Insanity" by Oingo Boingo on continuous replay, then he and Nikko head down to meet Billy in front of the station. Nikko smiles at the constant barbs her two companions fire off at one another, and all are in good humour as they walk down the street towards the dentist's office.*
/in the waiting room of the dentist's office/
dental hygenist: Dr. Spencer?
dentist: Yes, Ms. Davidson?
d hyg: (uncertainly) It appears as though your next appointment is here....
dent: "Appears"?
d hyg: Well......the appointment was made for a four year old girl. The girl that has shown up looks more like she's eighteen or nineteen. And she brought a ghost and a werewolf with her, who seem to be about to come to blows in your waiting room.
dent: ....nineteen? That means that her father's - what's his name? - insurance won't cover her....
James,
*completely baffled*
/When/??
love,
Tom
Joe,
Leave the wolf alone.
Tom
Tom Cat,
Exactly how hard did you hit your head?
Ray
My Love,
Just trying to figure out what we're talking about. Were you referring to me or using 'Major' as an adjective?
love,
James
Mulgrew,
The werewolf can give them shit, too, but you're better at it, so no matter how much he gives them, I want you to give them more.
Major J.K. Calhoun
James,
*Tom is too mind boggled over what James is saying to even hear Joe and Billy completely ignorning him. *
Um....
What?
love,
tom
Major,
I can do that. Just watch 'em fucking try anything with her... Fucking dentists.
Mulgrew
Billy,
Hey, wanna come with Nikko 'n' me to the dentist?
Joe
Joe,
Yeah, okay. I got nothing better to do.
Billy
Billy,
Alright. Meet ya in front of the radio station in ten minutes.
Joe
Monday
*Calhoun is still musing over tom's last message to him.*
Tom,
Major mind altering drugs. That's actually three words if you're addressing the statement to me directly, taking into consideration my rank. Now, you're saying the drugs can/did do major damage. Unless you mean the drugs have altered my mind. And I realize I survived the whole 60's experience thing but so far as I remember, there weren't any drugs. Unless they worked and my mind is majorly altered. I don't know. I have nothing to compair it to.
What was your point?
love,
James
Mulgrew,
When you take Nikko to the dentist remind her to tell them that I don't give a flying fuck if she looks nineteen, she's still a minor and covered under my insurance. If they give her any shit, jump Bogart on them with my blessing.
Major J.K. Calhoun
Joe,
Good job. Now you can't go either.
*glares at James*
Wanna make it three?
Tom
Tom Cat,
What the hell crawled up your ass and died?
Ray
Kinky Kitty,
Please?
Besides, I'm not mocking him. I live to piss Joe off. That's what I do. That's what I've done since we were both thirteen years old!
Billy
Billiam,
"Ha, ha!"
Joe
Kinky Kitty,
And now he's mocking me! It makes it a fair trade!!
Billy
Billiam,
It does not! Ya can't come, so there.
Joe
Mohawk Boy,
It does so! And I'm gonna, so there!
Billy
Mr. Billy Fucking Hollywood,
Does not!
Joe
Contrary Dead Motherfuck,
Does so!
Billy
Scrawny, Hairy Assed Werewolf,
Does not!
Joe
Joe,
DOES!
Billy
Billy,
DOES NOT DOES NOT DOES NOT!
*punches Billy in the mouth*
SO THERE!
Joe
Billy,
Well, if you're going to mock him, forget it.
Tom
Joe,
Ha, ha!
Billy
Billiam,
That's it. No more fucking Simpsons reruns for you.
And quit rubbing it in, you contrary werewolf fuck.
Joe
James,
Three words. Major mild altering drugs.
love,
Tom
Tom,
That's actually four words.
Fraser
Fraser,
I know. Big deal.
Tom
Billy,
/Yes/.
Tom
*Cecil seems to know why Tom's being so insistant, and looks like he's about to crawl out of his skin with the knowledge. Rupert, to say the least, is amused*
Cecil,
What crawled up Higher 'You Need To Lighten Up' Grissom's ass and died?
Rupert
Rupert,
Alex Vargas. He uh....there was a thing. With dentists. And stuff.
Cecil
Cecil,
Well, that certainly cleared /that/ up.
Rupert
Billiam,
No.
Joe
Major,
Good point. Thank you.
Mulgrew
Tom,
Why the hell should the werewolf go on their date? Well, okay, not date. Dentist appointment.
love,
James
Sunday
James,
Oh.
All right.
By the way, I /really/ think you should let Billy go.
*glances pointedly at Joe*
love,
Tom
Tom,
Nothing. It's just that we've been together thirten years or so and this is the first mention of marriage and cavities we've made.
Love,
James
Tallent,
Get your own date.
Major Calhoun
Nikko,
If ya say so.
love,
Joe
Billiam,
No.
Joe
Major,
No, sir. Not hiding. Appearances can be decieving.
Mulgrew
James,
I /DID/.
what...what did you think I'd think you meant?
love,
Tom
Tom,
Why didn't you say something before we left Chicago? Granted, you were kind of stunned speechless about the whole marriage thing, but if I'd known you were hurting we could've done something sooner.
About your cavities, I mean.
love,
James
Mulgrew,
Are you hiding behind my daughter?
Major Calhoun
Joe,
Daddy's just mad because he has five cavities and an impacted wisdom tooth.
love,
Nikko
Billy,
Yes.
Tom
Nikko,
Kinky doesn't sound to sure about that. Doesn't matter. I know you can protect me from anything. 'Cause you're a slayer and all that.
love,
Joe
Nik,
Hey. Can I come with you guys?
Billy
Billiam,
No.
Joe
Joe,
Yay!!!
Always. And so will daddy.
love,
Nikko
Nikko,
I will?
love,
Daddy
Nikko, my love,
Uh...okay. I'll come with ya, then.
...
Please protect me from the Major.
Joe
Joe,
*pout*
He is not. He's busy worrying about daddy's cavities.
love,
nikko
Tom Cat,
/Cavities/? I thought you said one.
Ray
Ray,
Uh.
Tom
Nikko, my Amazon goddess,
I...uh...I wanna go with ya, but I think the Major's kinda pissed off at me right now.
I bet you're even beautiful when you're getting your teeth cleaned.
Joe
